It sounds so easy and almost ‘endearing’ when people say to a client in coaching or counseling – if you don’t like something, you change your reaction. Or, we will help you to change your reaction against this – we will help you to learn it – to condition you.
In my executive coaching practice, I meet many intelligent executives and professionals who want to go further than just improvement, they really know what to do and still don’t do it. I often call this the executive and professional “weak-willed dilemma paradox”. Thinking about it, deciding to do something and then not to do it anyway.
Intelligent people can actually choose for themselves – or can they not? Well, in many cases they are quite capable of making a choice, but then, they still do not take the action they have chosen. What is then going on here?
Every improvement starts with self-insight. There are many uncertainties before, during and even after deciding. This is often driven by uncertainty in the decision and potential loss after making the decision. When uncertainty is registered as ‘insecurity’, one may still want so much, but on the basis of this ‘insecurity’ one will do everything possible to avoid this ‘insecurity’ and not act anyway. Not because they do not “want” to but because they want to avoid “insecurity” at all costs. This form of ‘self-sabotage’ is certainly not conscious, but it is very effective.
From neuroscience it has been known for years that the Amygdala, of which we have two, deeply hidden in both the left and right temporal lobe of the brain, have a stronger permanent negative than positive imprinting cycle. I once described this in more detail in an eBook entitled: “Sales Secrets” (for free available on request).
Let’s take the example of a sales meeting here. For me as an executive coach it is fascinating to see how many executives and professionals are actually struggling with ‘selling’. I find it fascinating but not strange, because I often call selling ‘anti-biological’.
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